


Rum and Coke, My Love Ain't No Joke

by leftennant



Series: Darcyland April Fools Smut Challenge Fics [6]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies), Wintershock - Fandom
Genre: Crack, F/M, GLORIOUS MISUNDERSTANDING, Jealousy, Mutual Pining, RST, Smut, UST, dlafsmutchallenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-15 21:41:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10558152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leftennant/pseuds/leftennant
Summary: In which Peter Quill plays Cupid for two complete idiots who can't see the forest for the trees.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Day Six of the Dlafsmutchallenge! Today's prompt is glorious misunderstanding, and I went with Wintershock for the pairing. Also it got a little long...and I had to do all kinds of adulty stuff today. So, I split it into two chapters. Chapter two will be posted tomorrow. Not beta'd, and I'm flipping exhausted right now. Here's to hoping everybody will squint and pretend it's full of correct grammar and shit. ;)
> 
> *********************************************

Bucky slumped lower in his chair, gritting his teeth. He’d never been sorrier about joining everyone in the common room for game night, and this included the time Thor decided Chutes and Ladders could use more Bifrost. They all ended up on some realm Bucky couldn’t even pronounce. Scott got lost for five hours because he didn’t land with the rest of the group, and it resulted in them having to buy him back from the locals for three sheep and a crate of Asgardian mead. Bucky still didn’t know where Thor got the sheep. Frankly, he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

It had been a bad night all around, but this one - the one where all Bucky could hear was Darcy giggling with Peter Quill over in the corner- was exponentially worse. Peter Fucking Quill. Star Lord. Guardian of the Goddamn Galaxy. Bucky hated him. How could he not? Peter Fucking Quill had landed in his space ship with his crew of talking raccoons and dancing tree-toddlers a week earlier, and had promptly walked off with the only girl Bucky had managed a real connection with in the past seventy-five years. 

He had been going to ask her out. Had. Past tense. It had taken him months to get to this point, but none of that was happening now that Quill had shown up. He'd waltzed out of his ship, and straight into Darcy's affections before Bucky could so much as ask her if she wanted to get coffee.

Not that Bucky blamed Darcy for any of this. She had no idea how he felt. As far as she knew, they were friends. That was it. And why wouldn’t she like Quill? He had a space ship, heroic stories about saving other planets, and was her age. Meanwhile all Bucky had was a past full of horror, and a patchy memory made up of murder, and embarrassing anecdotes about Captain America. There was no competition really. As much as Bucky hated to admit it, Quill was the better man, and Darcy deserved the better man.

Still, he didn’t exactly want to hear her yucking it up with the guy. Bucky sipped his beer, fingers tight around the bottle as the pair laughed over some joke he wasn’t in on. Yeah. Worst game night ever. He should have just stayed in his apartment.

***************************************************************

“So, you and Barnes, huh,” Peter asked, taking a sip of his drink. “When did this start?”

Darcy sighed, picking at the stem of the maraschino cherry in her rum and Coke. “It hasn’t.”

Peter’s eyebrows shot up. “Really? Could’ve fooled me. You two are always looking at each other like you’re buying a joint ticket on the bangtown express. Are you sure?”

“Am I sure that I’m not riding the bangtown express with Bucky Barnes??? Yes, Peter, I am reasonably certain. Believe me, I’d notice if any banging was going on.”

“Well, I’m just saying, it comes as a bit of a shock. The dude is obviously into you. You are admittedly into him. What’s going on here, kiddo?”

“What’s going on here is that you’re delusional. Bucky isn’t into me. He can’t be. I’ve put out all the signals, and he just kind of ignores them. It’s cool. I’ve resigned myself to a friends only situation.” She shrugged. 

“No you haven’t,” he replied. 

“Yes I have,” Darcy insisted. “I’m resolved to be okay with it, dude. It’s fine.”

“Darce, you might be able to pull that lie off with anyone else in this room.” Peter paused, looking around at the other occupants. “Except maybe Natasha. I think she could smell a lie like a fart in a car. She scares me. Does she scare you? Because that is one terrifying woman.”

“She scares everyone except Sharon. But then again, they’re married, and Sharon is a little terrifying herself. Anyway, does this little tangent have a point?”

“It does indeed, young Padawan, and here it is: you are full of shit. And I know that you are full of shit, because I know you. We were practically raised together..well..up until you know, the whole alien abduction thing.” Peter swirled his drink in an upwards direction, and Darcy snorted. 

“Yeah I know, little blue men, etc etc…”

“Centaurians are _not_ little. Yondu is like Mad Max meets the Smurfs meets the Hills Have Eyes. All in all, not a good combination.”

“Remind me to avoid him then,” she said. “Look, Peter, I appreciate whatever it is that you are trying to do here…”

“Getting you laid, that’s what I’m trying to do,” he interrupted. “Because clearly you and Barnes have not been able to seal the deal on your own.”

“Like I said, I appreciate your creepily over-involved concern, but this isn’t something that can be helped.”

Peter rolled his eyes. “Wrong.”

“Really.”

“Really wrong,” he corrected. “I’m telling you, that boy likes you. I know this. I’m a boy. Just ask Gamora. She can give you empirical proof.”

Darcy made a face. “No thanks. I really don’t need to know the details of my cousin’s sex life. Like, at all. Besides, Bucky’s barely even talking to me lately. I think I did something to piss him off.”

“Not talking to you, huh?” Peter sat back in his chair, eyes narrowing. “Since when?”

“I dunno, a few days. He’s been icing me out.”

“How about that.”

“How about what?” she asked.

“Oh nothing. Nothing at all. Hey, I was thinking about taking everyone out for drinks Friday. You know, one last hurrah on Earth before the crew and I have to get going. Rocket wants to check out the local action.”

Darcy choked on her drink. “I’m sorry, did you just say Rocket wants to pick up Earth women?”

“Listen to you being an anthropomorphic raccoon bigot. I'm surprised at you, Darcy. Rocket has needs just like everyone else.”

“Oh my god, Peter. I am not an anthropomorphic raccoon bigot. I just...I’m trying to picture him chatting up some girl at the bar and…” She stopped talking, dropping her head into her hands. “Ugh, okay. I _am_ an anthropomorphic raccoon bigot. I’m so embarrassed. Next thing you know I’ll be quoting Sean Hannity and buying into trickle down economics. Rocket should be able to have a love life like any other talking raccoon...person...thing, and I shouldn’t judge.”

“Hey Darce,” Peter said, leaning across the table.

“Yeah?”

“Relax. Rocket meant black market weapons, not women. He’s meeting some guy he found on Craigslist about illegal explosives. Your face, though. Priceless.”

“You’re an asshole,” she replied. “And I need a refill. What about you?”

“Seeing as how you’re no longer an anthropomorphic raccoon bigot, I feel like I can accept. Otherwise I’d have to say no. He _is_ part of my crew after all.”

“Shut up, Peter,” Darcy said, pushing up from the table. “I’ll be right back with our drinks, and I’m totally going to let Groot pee in yours.”

“You say that like it hasn’t happened before,” he called after her.

“No, what I said was shut up,” she yelled back.

Somewhere across the room, Bucky Barnes decided he had finally had enough. Without a word to anyone, he got up, dropped his beer bottle in the trash, and left. Darcy saw him go, stomach dropping as he disappeared through the doorway. She felt miserable. He hadn’t even said goodnight. 

She brought the drinks back to where Peter was sitting, and slid into her chair with a sigh. “Did you see that?”

“See what, Barnes skulking out of here like someone pissed in his cheerios? Yeah. I saw it. Can’t imagine why.”

“Peter, knock it off. You couldn’t be more wrong.”

He just picked up his drink, taking a thoughtful sip. “If you say so, kiddo. If you say so.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Peter is insulted. Repeatedly. Gamora is amused. Drax is confused. Groot is Groot. Rocket is done. (And two complete idiots finally figure things out)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The cracky conclusion...with 100% more Rocket Raccoon being 100% done.
> 
> *************************************************

The bar was crowded. Crowded and _loud_ , and all Darcy wanted to do was go home. She wasn’t interested in drinking, she wasn’t interested in making conversation, and the one person she _did_ want to talk to was sitting halfway across the room from her, nursing a beer in stony silence. Clearly whatever she’d done to piss Bucky off hadn’t gotten fixed. 

In the week since game night, he’d gone from being a little cold to flat out ignoring her. She texted. No response. She called. He sent her voicemail. She said hi in the halls. He grunted and looked away. It really hurt. Darcy had gotten past hoping their friendship would turn into something more, but him suddenly checking out of the friendship too was crushing.

She missed him. They’d just gotten to the point where they were comfortable with each other, and could hang out laughing at nothing. Bucky had the best laugh. It had taken a while to coax out of him at first, but now it slipped out all the time, boisterous and playful, with his eyes crinkling up at the sides in the way she loved. Darcy had gotten so used to hearing it, that she didn’t know how she’d do without it. Unfortunately, it seemed like that was just something she was going to have to deal with. 

So deal with it she did. Darcy might be dying on the inside, but on the outside no one would ever know. On the outside she was the life of the party, buying shots for Peter’s crew, smiling brighter than anyone else in the room, letting Groot sit in her lap as she twirled on her bar stool like a single passenger merry-go-round for saplings. Bucky was keeping an eye on her from down the bar, expression growing more pained as the night wore on, but she didn’t know it.

Finally things began to wind down. Darcy had switched out her rum and Cokes to just plain Coke sometime around midnight, and had been nursing the same ice-diluted glass for well over an hour. She wasn’t really thirsty. The drink basically sat there doing nothing as she and Peter talked about his life in space and hers on the ground. Every now and then she’d press her thumb over the hole in the top of the straw so she could pull it out of the glass and transfer the soda directly into her mouth like she’d done back when she was a kid. It would have been nice had Bucky not been constantly in the back of her mind, making her heart ache.

And then it was last call, and everyone started getting ready to go home. Peter downed the last of his beer, and paid their tab. People made their goodbyes, Groot was safely ensconced on Rocket’s shoulder, and Darcy got up to walk Peter back to his ship. She had forgotten about her purse, still tucked under her barstool. The strap caught the toe of her boot, and she stumbled, grabbing onto Peter’s arm for support.

“Whoa, there, kiddo,” he said, pulling her upright. “Good thing I was here, or you would have been eating floor.”

“How do you know I don’t totally love eating floor?” Darcy replied. “Maybe that was my whole plan.”

Peter glanced down at the floor, and then back up at Darcy. “Remind me to never let you make the plans then. You ready?”

“Yeah. I’m ready,” she said, hauling her purse strap up on her shoulder. “To the ship!”

They started for the exit, Darcy still holding onto Peter’s arm. She made a big point to not look in Bucky’s direction, focusing instead on verbal sparring with her cousin. They were almost at the door when it happened. Bucky swept out of his seat, knocking into Peter’s shoulder in the process, and positioned himself in front of the door.

“Where you going, Darcy?” he asked in a tight voice.

Darcy blinked at him in surprise. What the hell was he up to, barring the door? “Just walking Peter back to his ship. Why?”

Bucky stared down Peter for a long, tense moment before replying. “I think that’s a bad idea.”

She frowned. “You think me walking Peter back to his ship is a bad idea?”

“I think you leaving with him when you’re obviously drunk is, and if Space Boy here had a single shred of decency in his empty head, he would too.”

“Wow, that is _really_ insulting,” Peter cut in. “Space Boy? Really?”

“Oh here we go,” Rocket complained, rolling his eyes. “You just had to say that. Now we’re gonna get the Star Lord monologue. Do you know how many times I’ve heard the Star Lord monologue? Too many. That’s the answer.”

“I don't do it that often,” Peter said.

Drax, who had been standing with Gamora behind all of them tilted his head. “This is not true. I have heard the monologue no less than two hundred times since we met. I’ve been keeping count.”

Gamora snorted. “He has a point.”

Peter turned around to shoot them an aggrieved look. “You know, I expect a little more loyalty from my crew. Come on, guys. We saved the universe together. You could at least back me on the Star Lord thing.”

“Okay, I’m done here. It’s past Groot’s bedtime anyway, right little guy?” Rocket looked at the little tree on his shoulder.

“I am Groot,” he declared.

Rocket nodded. “See? He agrees with me. We’ll catch you all back at the ship.” With that, he looked up at Bucky, made a face, and ducked out through the door, backpack full of what Darcy guessed was black market explosives sitting square on his back. 

“You know what?” she said. “It’s past my bedtime too. I don’t know what’s going on here with you, Bucky, but it’s going to have to wait. Let’s go, Peter. I don't have time for this shit.”

She tried to step around Bucky, and he moved too, blocking the door again. “Sorry, Darce. I can’t let you do this.”

“I’m not really sure that’s your call,” she retorted. “I’m a big girl. If I want to walk Peter back to his ship, that’s my business not yours. Why are you being so weird about this?”

“Because I saw you fall back there. You’re not sober, and I don’t trust him.”

Her brow furrowed as she puzzled out his words. “Okay, one? I’m not drunk. And two, I _do_ trust Peter, so that means _three_ this once again falls under none of your business.”

“She’s got you there, pal,” Peter remarked.

“I’m not your pal,” Bucky shot back. “And she’s going back to your ship over my dead body.”

“That seems like a strange way for him to get back to his ship,” Drax said. “We do not wish to climb over any bodies.”

Peter sighed. “No...it’s...it’s an expression. He means that we’re not getting Darcy back there without a fight, and...you know what? It doesn’t matter. We’re about to have a breakthrough here. Just wait.”

“We’re breaking through something?” Drax asked. “Why would we do that? The staff here has been most welcoming.”

“Jesus, where’s Rocket when you need him?” Peter muttered. “No. We’re not breaking anything. Nothing is getting broken. Gamora, do you and Drax want to go on ahead? We’ll meet you at the ship.”

“I had considered it,” she said. “But I think for your safety I should not.”

“Again, insulting. You think I couldn’t take Barnes?”

“Want to find out?” Bucky said, cracking the knuckles of his right hand in the palm of his left. 

Darcy threw her hands up in disgust. “Oh my god, _Bucky_! What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Nothing’s wrong with me.”

“Yeah, that vein bulging in your forehead really looks like nothing’s wrong,” she said. “I know I did something to piss you off, and that you hate me now or whatever, but this is way, way out of line.”

“Here we go,” Peter said quietly to Gamora, but Darcy didn’t hear it.

“I'm out of line? What about him?” Bucky jerked his thumb at Peter. “What kind of guy takes a drunk girl back to his ship?”

“Okay, once again, I’m not drunk.”

“Darcy, you couldn’t even stand five minutes ago!”

“I TRIPPED OVER MY PURSE STRAP,” she yelled, getting right up in his face. “I haven’t had a drink in almost two hours. I’m sober, you asshat. And furthermore why do you even care if I walk Peter back to his ship? What. Is. Your. Damage!?”

“Because,” Bucky replied, body tense all over. “Because, Darcy, I don’t want you walking off with him. I want…” He stopped talking, and shook his head, teeth clenched together like he was trying to trap his words behind them.

“What? What do you want? Please just tell me, because it’s been months of us doing whatever we’re doing, and I haven’t been able to figure out what you want even once in that whole time.”

“You,” he said, eyes closing for a moment in what looked like defeat. “This whole time. It’s always been you. I just couldn’t find the words to let you know. And now it’s too late. You found someone else.”

She stood there, jaw on the floor while what he was saying hit her. He wanted _her_. All this time she’d been pining after him, and he wanted her too, just as badly as she wanted him if the desperate look in his eyes was any indication. And he thought she and Peter were...

Holy shit.

Yeah, this was the most fucked up misunderstanding Darcy had ever been a part of, and on so many levels too. Ew. 

“Bucky?” she said. “The thing about Peter and I, is um...”

“You don’t have to tell me, Darcy. I’m just going to go.”

“No, really,” Peter interjected. “Stay. You’re really gonna want to hear this.”

“I doubt that,” Bucky told him.

“He’s my cousin,” Darcy blurted out. “We’re related. Our moms are sisters. For real. I wouldn't bang Peter if he were the last humanoid in the universe.”

“You know, there is a limit to the amount of insults one guy can take,” Peter said. Everyone present turned to stare at him, and he cleared his throat. “Although in this case, I’m giving Darcy a pass, because, I mean, she’s right. We’re cousins. I’d bang Drax before I’d bang her, no offense, kiddo.”

“None taken,” she replied. 

“I will not bang you,” Drax said. “That would anger Gamora.”

“Wait. Space Boy is with Gamora?”

Darcy glanced over at Bucky who looked completely gobsmacked. “Yes. He’s with Gamora.”

“And the two of you are cousins?”

“Yes.”

Bucky nodded. “And I’m a bitter, jealous idiot, who can’t get his head out of his ass.”

“Pretty much,” Peter agreed cheerfully. “Although I think you just did. If I were you, I’d plant one on Darcy before she has too much time to contemplate what a dick you’ve been. But that’s just me.”

“He has a point,” Darcy said.

For a moment Bucky did nothing, just stood there like he was trying to come to a decision. Then he acted, taking Darcy’s face in his hands, and covering her lips with his own. She made a stifled squeak of surprise. Then her mind caught up with what the rest of her body already knew, and she melted into him, fingers tangling in his hair as his tongue licked over hers.

“This has ended much differently than I thought,” Drax said.

“Not me,” Peter replied. “I knew they’d figure it out. See ya later, kiddo.”

Darcy lifted one hand in a wave, lips still busy with Bucky’s. She heard them leave, Peter whistling, and Drax commenting on how he much preferred not stepping over bodies in his way to the ship. There would be time to say goodbye in the morning, but for right now…

“You know, I’ve got this non-refundable ticket for the bangtown express if you’d be interested in taking a trip with me,” she whispered to Bucky.

He chuckled, face buried in her hair. “Oh yeah? You sure you want that? I’ve made a pretty big mess of things.”

“You have, but the fact that you _know_ how badly you fucked up goes a long way. Trust me. And seriously, Bucky, you thought Peter was taking a drunk me back to his ship for bad things. I’m not even sure you need to apologize for stepping in, if that’s what you thought was going on. That was hero shit right there. To be honest, I think this was mostly crossed wires and bad communication.” 

“I’m still sorry, though. The crossed wires was my fault. I should have spoken up weeks ago. I just didn’t think there was much hope.”

“Well, in the interest of clearing up any lingering doubts, I’d like to formally ask you to come home with me. For sex. Wanna?”

Bucky laughed. “Yeah. Yeah, Darcy, I wanna. More than you know. Just to be clear, this thing between you and me…?”

“Is a _thing_ thing,” she affirmed. “Like I said, that ticket on the bangtown express is non-refundable, so…”

“You asking me to hurry up and get my girl into bed, doll?”

“Yes I am, Bucky-boy. Yes I am.”

“God bless communication,” he said. “Let’s go.”

 _God bless the short walk back to the tower, too_ , Darcy thought as the door to her apartment clicked shut behind them. They kissed their way through her living room, and down the hall. When they got the bedroom he paused, both of them working to get out of their clothes. Finally they were ready, and she tumbled back onto the bed, pulling him down on top of her as she fell. 

“You uh…?” he began, and she nodded, wrapping her legs around his waist.

“Covered. Courtesy of the awesome Avengers health plan. You?”

“Yeah. Same.”

Darcy grinned, palms sliding up the hard planes of his back. “Super. We’re good to go then.”

And boy were they good to go. So very, very good to go. Spectacularly good to go, in fact. It wasn’t very long before she was arching beneath him, his name escaping her lips on a whimpery little moan. 

“How many weeks,” she asked breathlessly between kisses.

“What, since I wanted to ask you out?”

“Mhmmm. Oh, don’t...don’t stop. That is just fucking _amazing_ , what you’re doing right there.”

Bucky swiveled his hips again, grinning down at her. “This?”

“Yep. _That_. You didn’t answer my question.”

“I dunno, couple of months.”

“A couple of months? Really?”

“Yeah. Shit...Darcy, you feel so good.”

“So do you. Anyway, what you’re saying,” she said, lifting her hips up to meet his on every thrust, “is that we have a lot of lost time to make up for.”

Bucky huffed in amusement. “Seems like it. You want me to…?” He reached between them, fingers grazing her clit, and raised one eyebrow at her in question.

“God, yes. _Please_. That feels incredible, I’m...I’m totally gonna...” She gasped, lungs scrabbling for air as his fingers circled and rubbed. “Holy fucking… _god_ , Bucky. I’m so close, just a little...a little more.”

She had barely finished her sentence when her orgasm hit, sending pleasure spiraling outwards through her entire body. He worked her through it, waiting until she looked up at him dazed with satisfaction to chase his own release. It wasn’t long before he found it, muscles rippling and mouth pressed to her neck in a low moan that sounded like her name. 

“I’m sorry,” he said softly, once they were cuddled up together on her pillows afterwards. “About not telling you.”

“Hey, don’t. Everything ended happily, right? You _did_ tell me. And anyway, I’m a strong believer in things happening when they are meant to happen. This is our timing, and I’m cool with it. No more crossed wires.”

“No more crossed wires,” Bucky said. “Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but I think you mentioned something about making up for lost time, gorgeous.” He rolled onto his back, tugging her with him so she was straddling his hips.

Her face broke into a smile. “What, that fast? Really?”

“Let’s just say the serum has some perks.”

“Well then, all aboard the bangtown express!”


End file.
